You’ve never met.
Or if you have, it was brief. Fleeting.
Still, every night, you talk.
Every morning, you check your phone for them.
And slowly, you stop thinking about anyone else.
No promises were made.
No titles were exchanged.
And yet—you feel claimed.
Emotionally tethered.
Quietly devoted.
This is the strange and powerful truth of cyberlove:
It may be invisible to the outside world, but it often carries the weight of exclusivity before anything is official.
In Love Online: Emotions on the Internet, philosopher Aaron Ben-Ze’ev examines this paradox: how online emotional relationships—built without bodies, rings, or rules—can still become profoundly exclusive, sometimes more fiercely so than traditional relationships.
Let’s explore how and why cyberlove often moves toward exclusivity, even in the absence of physical presence.
1. Exclusivity Begins in the Heart, Not in Labels
You don’t always say it aloud.
But inside, you feel it:
- I don’t want to talk to anyone else like this.
- I only want to share this version of myself with them.
- I’d feel hurt if they were doing this with someone else.
Ben-Ze’ev emphasizes that emotional intimacy often precedes formal commitment, especially online.
You bond first.
You invest.
And somewhere along the way, exclusivity becomes a silent agreement—even if never spoken.
2. Emotional Monogamy in the Digital World
Cyberlove invites emotional fidelity before physical fidelity.
Because in this space, what matters most isn’t the body—it’s presence.
- Who do you write to when you can’t sleep?
- Who do you reach for when you feel joy or fear?
- Who do you feel emotionally “not okay” to lose?
This kind of consistent emotional reliance becomes its own form of commitment.
Ben-Ze’ev writes that exclusive emotional investment is one of the strongest indicators of attachment—whether or not it’s declared.
3. The Tension Between Freedom and Possession
Cyberlove lives in a paradox:
- You feel emotionally committed,
- Yet you may still be “free” in practical terms.
- You belong to each other in language,
- But not yet in life.
This can create tension:
- Are we exclusive?
- Do they talk to others the way they talk to me?
- Do I have the right to ask for commitment if we’ve never even touched?
Ben-Ze’ev calls this the ambiguity of online intimacy—where exclusivity is felt deeply, but often remains unspoken, vulnerable to interruption or betrayal.
4. When Unspoken Exclusivity Breaks
Few things hurt more than discovering that what you treated as sacred was not held the same way by the other person.
- They start replying slower.
- You sense a shift in tone.
- You see signs of someone else in their digital life.
And suddenly, what you thought was mutual exclusivity shatters—even though you never officially claimed each other.
Ben-Ze’ev notes: this pain is valid. Because emotional fidelity doesn’t require formal status to feel like loss.
5. Can You Ask for Exclusivity in Cyberlove?
Yes. Gently. Honestly.
Not as a demand—but as a reflection of what the bond has become.
Ask:
- Do you feel emotionally close to others like you do to me?
- Are we still both holding this space as sacred?
- Do you want to grow this into something only ours?
Ben-Ze’ev encourages emotional transparency.
Because exclusive love without communication breeds silent fear—and silent fear erodes connection.
6. What Makes Exclusivity Feel Real Online
It’s not titles. It’s:
- Daily emotional presence
- Mutual vulnerability
- The absence of romantic ambiguity with others
- A shared sense that “this matters more than a message thread”
When both people protect the connection—not out of obligation, but out of reverence—cyberlove becomes exclusive by nature, not by rule.
Final Reflection
Cyberlove is real love.
And real love often seeks exclusivity—not out of possessiveness, but out of emotional reverence.
It says:
“You matter enough that I want to hold this space only for you.”
“You matter enough that I want our connection to feel safe—intact—unshared.”
So don’t be afraid to name what your heart already knows.
Exclusivity isn’t about control.
It’s about care.
And care—whether typed or spoken—is what turns affection into devotion.