There are cries that come softly, asking for milk or a warm hand.
And there are cries that arrive like storms—
loud, relentless, inconsolable—
lasting for hours, stretching across days,
echoing through the small hours of the night.
These cries belong to babies who are otherwise healthy,
well-fed, cared for, and deeply loved—
and yet, they cannot seem to stop crying.
This is not failure.
This is not your fault.
It is called prolonged infant crying, or colic—a developmental mystery that leaves many parents
exhausted, confused, and searching for meaning in the tears.
And though the crying may feel endless,
there is something else happening beneath it:
development, adjustment, the slow work of a new nervous system finding its rhythm.
This, too, is part of being born.
And this, too, deserves to be met with compassion instead of shame.
What Is Colic?
Colic is defined as excessive, frequent crying in an otherwise healthy infant.
The classic rule of thumb is the “Rule of Threes”:
- Crying for more than 3 hours a day
- On 3 or more days a week
- For at least 3 weeks
- In a baby who is less than 3 months old
The crying often peaks in the late afternoon or evening,
and may appear without any clear cause.
It can begin as early as 2 weeks old and often resolves by 3 to 4 months of age.
But when you are living inside those hours,
it doesn’t feel like a phase.
It feels like a test.
And it touches not just the baby—
but the caregivers, the household, the peace inside the home.
Why Does Colic Happen?
The exact causes of colic are not fully understood,
but likely involve a combination of factors:
- Immature digestive system
- Gas or gut discomfort
- Sensitivity to stimulation
- Overactive or immature nervous system
- Temperament differences
- Possibly a mismatch between caregiver expectations and infant regulatory capacity
Colic is not caused by poor parenting.
And it is not a sign that something is wrong with your baby.
Rather, it may be a sign that your baby is adjusting to life outside the womb—
and their system is simply struggling to process all that is new.
What It Looks Like
Babies with colic may:
- Cry suddenly and intensely, often at the same time each day
- Arch their back, clench their fists, or pull up their legs
- Turn red in the face
- Seem inconsolable despite being held, fed, changed, or rocked
- Alternate between brief calm and sudden distress
It is important to rule out medical causes—like reflux, allergies, or infections—especially if the baby:
- Is not feeding well
- Is not gaining weight
- Has abnormal stools
- Seems persistently lethargic
But once illness is ruled out,
you are left with something more complicated:
a healthy baby who cries a lot.
And in that moment,
you need more than answers.
You need support.
What Helps (and What Doesn’t)
There is no one-size-fits-all cure for colic,
but there are ways to soothe—if not the crying,
then at least the loneliness that comes with it.
Some strategies that may help:
- Gentle rocking, swaying, or babywearing
- White noise or rhythmic sounds (mimicking the womb)
- Swaddling (if age-appropriate)
- Warm baths
- Tummy massages or bicycle-leg motions
- Offering a pacifier
- Trying smaller, more frequent feeds
Sometimes a change in formula (for formula-fed babies) or maternal diet (for breastfeeding parents) may help—
especially in cases of suspected cow’s milk protein sensitivity.
But elimination diets should be done with medical guidance, not guesswork.
What does not help:
- Letting frustration turn into blame
- Endless searching for a “perfect solution”
- Believing that crying is a sign you’re failing
Because it’s not.
The Emotional Toll: Honoring the Parent’s Experience
Caring for a baby with colic is exhausting—physically, emotionally, spiritually.
You may feel:
- Guilt
- Hopelessness
- Rage
- Shame
- Isolation
- Worry that your baby doesn’t like you
- Fear that something is deeply wrong
These feelings are not signs of weakness.
They are signs that you are human, and that this is hard.
You are loving a child who won’t stop crying,
and still, you show up—hour after hour,
offering your arms, your breath, your breaking heart.
That is a radical form of love.
And it deserves to be witnessed.
Reframing the Cry
What if we saw colic not just as a problem to be solved,
but as a form of early communication?
The baby’s cry may be saying:
- “This world is loud and bright, and I’m still adjusting.”
- “My tummy hurts, but I don’t know why.”
- “I don’t know how to settle yet—can you hold me while I try?”
- “I’m overwhelmed, and your presence is my only anchor.”
Even when nothing “works,”
you are doing something vital:
Teaching your child that someone stays when it’s hard.
That they are not alone with their pain.
That message will shape the emotional core of who they become.
When to Seek Help
Always trust your instincts.
Speak to a pediatrician if:
- The crying is very sudden or very high-pitched
- The baby is vomiting, has a fever, or refuses to feed
- You notice any other unusual behavior
Also—if you ever feel overwhelmed to the point of despair,
please reach out.
You are not alone.
There is no shame in asking for help.
You were never meant to do this in isolation.
In the End: It Will Pass—But Your Love Will Stay
Colic ends.
The crying slows.
One day, without fanfare, you realize they’ve slept peacefully.
That the storm has passed.
That the baby is laughing, cooing, exploring the world.
But you—you have changed.
You’ve learned the deep endurance of love.
The power of holding space for someone else’s distress.
The truth that parenting is not about perfection,
but about presence.
And you’ve proven—perhaps to no one but yourself—
that you can walk through the hard hours
and still come out with your tenderness intact.
So to every parent pacing the floor with a crying baby in their arms:
You are not failing.
You are doing sacred work.
The baby may not say thank you—yet.
But one day,
they will carry the memory of being held through their chaos.
And that memory will be the beginning
of how they learn to hold others in return.
Let that be the world we build—
one quiet, patient hour at a time.