“I’m not just sorry—I still believe in what I broke.”
There’s a quiet moment in a true apology when something deeper than regret emerges. It’s the moment when the person who caused harm doesn’t just say, “I was wrong,” but says something even harder: “And I still believe in the values I violated.”
In I Was Wrong: The Meanings of Apologies, philosopher Nick Smith calls this act endorsing the moral principles underlying each harm—and he argues that it is one of the most morally significant components of a sincere apology.
Because it’s one thing to admit wrongdoing. It’s another to reaffirm the very standards you failed to meet—and to say, “I know I fell short, but I have not given up on what is right.”
Why This Step Matters
When someone hurts us, the pain isn’t always just in the action—it’s in the fear that the values we once shared have disappeared. That the person who promised to protect our feelings no longer values kindness. That the friend who betrayed our trust no longer believes in loyalty. That the partner who deceived us has stopped caring about honesty.
This is why Smith argues that a meaningful apology must do more than name the violated principles. It must also endorse them.
To say:
- *“I know I violated your trust, and I still believe that honesty is essential.”
- “I failed to treat you with dignity, and I still believe that every person deserves respect.”
- “I broke my word, but I still believe in keeping promises.”*
This kind of statement doesn’t just address the past—it offers hope for the future.
The Risk of Saying Nothing
When we fail to endorse the principles behind our apology, we leave the harmed person in a moral vacuum.
They may wonder:
- Do you still believe in the value you broke?
- Do you think it was just a mistake, or do you think the rule no longer applies to you?
- If given the chance again, would you make the same choice?
These are not questions we ask out loud—but they live under the surface of every wounded silence, every withheld forgiveness.
And so, when someone clearly says, “I was wrong to break our shared values—and I am committed to honoring them again,” something remarkable happens.
We feel seen. We feel heard. And maybe—for the first time since the harm—we feel safe.
Why Endorsing the Principle Is So Hard
To endorse the principle you violated means confronting not just your failure, but your moral inconsistency. It means admitting that you acted against something you still believe in. That your actions did not align with who you want to be.
That kind of honesty is rare. But it’s also where real change begins.
Smith makes clear: this isn’t about shaming ourselves. It’s about aligning ourselves again with the values that make trust, love, and community possible.
To say, “I believe in this principle, even though I broke it,” is to reclaim your moral compass. It’s to return to the ethical ground you momentarily left.
The Healing Power of Moral Affirmation
In a broken moment, nothing restores hope more than hearing:
“I was wrong to hurt you, and I still believe it was wrong. I may have acted in contradiction to my values, but I haven’t abandoned them. I want to live them better now.”
This is moral repair at its most intimate. It says to the injured person: “You were right to expect more. And I’m coming back to that place with you.”
When We Skip This Step
Apologies that lack endorsement often feel uncertain. The behavior may be acknowledged, but the future feels unclear.
The hurt person wonders:
- Will they honor this principle next time?
- Do they think I overreacted, or that I just misunderstood the situation?
- Do they still believe what they once claimed to believe?
But when someone openly reaffirms the principle—especially after violating it—they restore moral clarity.
They say, in effect: “You’re not alone in valuing this. I’m here, too. Even in my failure.”
Reflection Questions for Readers:
- Have you ever received an apology that named the behavior—but didn’t affirm the values behind it? How did that feel?
- Have you ever apologized for something you knew was wrong, yet failed to say: “And I still believe it was wrong”?
- What would it mean, today, to offer an apology that says: “I betrayed our values—and I’m recommitting to them now”?
Returning to Moral Ground Together
The most powerful apologies are not just acknowledgments of pain—they are affirmations of what we still stand for.
They say:
“The principles we share still matter. I walked away from them—but I am walking back now.”
In a world full of moral shortcuts and easy deflections, this kind of apology is revolutionary. Because it doesn’t just ask for forgiveness. It offers a future that is clearer, braver, and more aligned with what we both hold sacred.